There are four main roots of theology (we shall ignore the various
ascetic,
moral, dogmatic, etc. branches of theology and stick to the roots):
theism, agnosticism, atheism, and apatheism - all of which answer to
ideas
of the existence of supreme beings. Simply put, theists don‘t deny,
agnostics
don‘t know, atheists don‘t believe, and apatheists don‘t care about the
existence of gods.
Apatheists neither believe in nor deny the existence of gods.
They simply
aren‘t interested one way or the other. To Apatheists, the "god
question"
is profoundly unimportant. Even if there were a blatant, undisputed
answer
to the question, we would most likely go on living our lives the same
ways
we already do.
There are several ‘sects‘ of Apatheism. There are many NP
Apatheists
- the Non-Practising kind, which generally makes sense if you‘re an
Apatheist.
Others are Latent Apatheists, meaning they are but don‘t know it yet.
Another
common form is Closet Apatheism - pretending to be a member of some
religion,
but really, deep down, not caring one way or another whether god(s)
exist.
Evangelical Apatheism, practised by many members of the Church of
Apatheism,
attempts to nonchalantly spread the tenets of Apatheistic thought, and
to provide intellectual sanctuary to apatheists everywhere.
The primary missions of the Church of Apatheism are:
-
Get people to admit that they are indeed Apatheists.
-
Spread the word and convert as many people as possible to the true
religion.
-
Instill pride and honour in answering correctly when someone asks the
god
question, i.e. Q: ‘Do you believe in God?‘ A: ‘I don‘t care!‘ (Better
yet,
‘I don‘t care, you shouldn‘t either, and here‘s why.‘)
-
Provide meeting places and forums for Apatheists, so that they don‘t
feel
alone in their thoughts or surrounded by the "quasi theists" in society.
There is a common misconception that Apatheists don‘t care about anything.
Apatheists might be interested - fascinated even - in all sorts of
other
questions of life and existence. General apathy is not necessarily an
Apatheistic
trait, but it admittedly provides a springboard for the ‘leap of
indifference‘.
The Church of Apatheism occasionally holds a gathering, known
as the
Grey Mass. Details of the Grey Mass are shady, but there are vague
references
to a sort of ‘sacrament‘ - the ceremonial bubble wrap, which
participants
pop to proclaim their lack of interest in all-powerful deities.
Apatheistic prayer substitutes the words "amen" and "alleluia"
with
"whatever" and "so what". A typical prayer of praise goes something
like
this: ‘That sunrise is really beautiful this morning. So what.‘ A
prayer
of request might begin thusly: ‘The flu is going around; I hope I don‘t
catch it -- Whatever.‘
|
Why convert to Apatheism?
-
It‘s easy! Apatheists don‘t need to worry about
various daily issues
such as whether this or that is a sin, what will happen when I die, can
I ask God for a Mercedes-Benz, etc. Apatheists enjoy life and find time
to come up with their own personal values.
-
It‘s natural! Apatheism is so basic, even non-human
animals
and plants practise it. ‘Observe how the lilies of the field grow, they
do not toil nor do they spin.‘ That‘s because they do not care,
either.
-
It‘s honest! Think about it -- if most people really
believed in
the god(s) they pretend to worship, they wouldn‘t act the ways they do.
That‘s because they aren‘t really that interested. They‘re lying to
themselves
about their beliefs, or hedging their bets in the nearest, most popular
religion ‘just in case.‘ Apatheists, on the other hand, are completely
aware that their religion won‘t do a damn thing for them.
|
